Argumentative Essay

        How to Maintain Long Distance Relationships 

He Haiyun Sea

52639407

People’s relationships, nowadays, are experiencing “globalization” as well. There are a growing number of lovers who are separated by thousands of miles. Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) have become increasingly common phenomena (Guldner, 2003). In fact, the best estimates suggest that in the USA, there are 3,569,000 married persons who live apart for reasons other than marital discord in 2005. Besides married couples, as many as 75% of college students report having a LDR, and 35% of college students are in LDRs at any given time (Stafford, 2005).

Generally speaking, these long distance relationships are due to social, environmental and economic factors such as participation in military activities, studying abroad, increased opportunities to work overseas and the emergence of online relationships. With the development of new communication technology, we can get in touch with people by various ways such as telephone, e-mail and social networks, etc. It seems that these electronic devices shorten our distance but geographic separation still remains an obstacle in relational maintenance (Merolla, 2012). According to a study by The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, the rates of break-up of people in LDRs versus proximal relationships over 3 months are respectively 37% and 21%. How to maintain LDRs has become a puzzling problem. And here are some typical fragments of LDRs.

In the first case, Ms. A and Mr. B were lovers in college. After graduation, Ms. A went to study abroad and Mr. B started working in the city they once lived. They chatted with each other only twice or three times a week through Skype and did not have a fixed time. Here was a problem: they had little time to communicate with each other because both of them were so busy with their own business. And since their environments were quite different, they gradually found they had few topics in common. After a long period of time, they thought their communication became as dull as fulfilling a meaningless task. Finally, they chose to break up.

From this case, we can know when lovers are apart, it is vital for them to have regular and good communication. So my solution to this problem is that couples need to always keep in touch with each other and establish certain communication rules, such as set a regular time for communication. Telephone and video chat are both good ways to keep their passions alive when they are apart. And more importantly, they need to know how to be intimate through communication. They can share every little day-to-day event and their moods with their lovers. Besides using phones, they can also send e-mails, write diaries and take pictures, using anyway they can to express their emotions and also understand their lovers.

In the second situation, Ms. C and Mr. D, a married couple, were separated because Mr. D needed to work in another city for a period of time. Owing to his work, Mr. D had to attend lots of dinner parties, where he knew a pretty young lady. That lady showed her interest to him but he tried to keep a distance with her. However, the rumor of Mr. D and that young lady somehow took off rapidly and suspicious Ms. C heard of it eventually. Regardless of the explanation of her husband, Ms. C firmly believed that he betrayed her. After hundreds of quarrels, Mr. D could not stand that she did not trust him at all so they ended up with divorce.

From the story above, we can know that mutual trust and respect do play significant roles in maintaining LDRs. People in long distance relationships must grapple with trust issues to a greater extent than people in geographically proximal relationships. (Guldner, 2003) And trust is based on honesty, which is vital to every relationship. The longevity of LDRs often depends much on how honest they are with their lovers. Do you feel any one show interests to you? Do you think your lover spends too much time with others? Every small detail like this in life can be a time bomb which may destroy LDRs. So couples should always be honest with their lover and solve all the problems right away. Apart from that, people should also never make any random assumption about their lovers and so that there can be mutual trust and respect between them.

In the last case, Mr. E and Ms. F lived in different cities but fell in love with each other through online chat. The problem was they both had stable jobs, families, circles of friends in the cities they lived and neither of them could easily give them up. They kept their LDR for years but did not know when they could live together, like a normal couple. With time going by, they could not bear the distance any longer so chose to break up.

This case shows a key point of LDRs: a promising future that lovers can be together someday. If lovers will be separated forever and there is no end to their LDRs, it may be too difficult to maintain LDRs because they have nothing to look forward and their waiting seems meaningless. Therefore, my solution is that couples should decide earlier if there can be an end to the distance so that they will have a firm belief to be together eventually and all the waiting they have to do is worthwhile.

However, partners in LDRs still have to face the truth that their lovers are not by their side. No matter how advanced communication technology is, it can never equal to face-to-face communication. No matter how deeply they trust each other, they will still come across misunderstandings or even cheatings. Yet, it does not mean that maintaining LDRs is totally impossible or meaningless. In fact, if we see it from another perspective, it is a tough test to lovers. Once couples really go through it, they can find how precious their love is.
In reality, you will never know what your future may be like, and cannot stay with your lover in every moment of your life. So just in case of separation with your lover someday, you are supposed to learn how to deal with it. Here is a perfect example to illustrate the possibility of LDR. Aung San Suu Kyi, who chose to rescue her country instead of staying with her family, kept fighting for democracy in Burma and only saw her husband Michael few times for years. Tragically, after 10 years of campaigning to try to keep his wife safe overseas, Michael died of cancer without ever being allowed to say goodbye to his wife. Many people are touched by their great love story, which proves that even though couples are apart, their hearts can still be tied together.
To conclude, maintaining LDRs is an uphill battle, but it is still possible as long as you believe in the infinite power of love. If he or she is exactly the one you want, do not be afraid of LDRs. The best solution for this problem is always keeping regular and good communication with your lover, building mutual trust and respect as well as having a promising future in your mind. Besides, it also requires lots of patience, sacrifice, tolerance and understanding. Only in this way, can you closely connect your hearts together and successfully maintain LDRs.



References:
FAQs About Long Distance Relationships. Retrieved April 19, 2013 from http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/faqs.htm.

Frayn, R.(2011). The Telegraph. In The untold love story of Burma's Aung San Suu Kyi. Retrieved April 19, 2013 from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/burmamyanmar/8948018/The-untold-love-story-of-Burmas-Aung-San-Suu-Kyi.html.

Gulder, G.T. (2003). Long Distance Relationship: The Complete Guide. JFMilne: Carona, CA.

Long Distance Relationship Tips: Making It Work. Retrieved April 19, 2013 from http://www.essortment.com/long-distance-relationship-tips-making-work-37290.html.

Merolla, A. J. (2012). Connecting here and there: A model of long‐distance relationship maintenance. Personal Relationships, 19(4), 775-795.

Stafford, L. (2005). Maintaining long-distance and cross-residential relationships. Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

In-class Writing: A letter to Dylan

Dear Dylan,

I agree with your critical ideas about the problem of idealized virginity of women. I also feel that idealized virginity is a tool to keep women in their place through my related study in college. The tradition and moral code of society always tell women that virginity is a sacred gift a woman should reserve for just the right man. However, why there is not such a rule to restrain men? The different social expectation towards men and women actually indicated a fact again: the inequality between men and women in terms of sexual behavior. You know this fact well so that you chose such an extreme way to bring this problem to the public and to make a satire like this.

I totally understand and support your point of view but I don't agree with your behavior which selling your virginity on the Internet because it's a too extreme form aiming at making people think about the problem in depth. After all, you are just a 22-year-old girl. You don't need to truly sell your virginity due to this reason. Women's sexual liberation doesn't mean prostitution. It just requires us to look at this problem in a more open and just perspective.

In-class Writing: Things that make you mad

He Haiyun Sea


52639407

I have to admit it that I am a sentimental animal. There are always countless things making me happy or mad. For instance, being isolated by others makes me mad. Meeting irritating people makes me mad. My group mates do not do anything in group projects makes me mad…… Thousands of scenarios come into my mind. However, most of these causes are external factors, which I cannot control. Actually, the thing making me mad the most is that I have procrastination.

How can I fail to control myself! I do not know since when, procrastination has been everywhere in my life. Because of it, I am often late for my class or appointment with friends. There are always a pile of dirty clothes in my room but I just cannot find a right time to deal with them. What is more, I always fight for my assignments or tests at the last-minute time before deadline, just like what I am doing now. Procrastination can be disruptive to our life. And solving this problem can obviously benefit not only me but also people around me. My friends can see my changes and probably they can also learn from me. Hopefully, procrastination can really walk away from our life in the future.

Descriptive Essay

Back to my wonderland

He Haiyun Sea

52639407

I can already feel it before I come into my room. It is such a familiar feeling, which is full of years of my moments and memories in this wonderland. My big soft bed in the middle of the room as well as a lovely cat toy on it greets me with warm smiles, “Welcome home!”

I could not wait to hop into my bed right away and stretch out my arms and legs which are as heavy as stones in this cotton cloud comfortably. I take a deep breath and the subtle lavender scent from my comfy pillow flies into my nose as I am lying in a beautiful large lavender land. The delicate texture and smooth touching of the cotton bed sheet from my fingertips are still the same as the ones years ago. The limpid blue and green lines on my bed sheet make me fall into a fresh and cool sea. I close my eyes, thinking about the countless happy, sad or weird dreams I once had in this cosy place.

A refreshing breeze blows in this lazy afternoon, making the half-closed white thin drapes dance. I can smell the fragrance of flowers and grass outside, hear the songs of birds and feel the gentle wind on my face. As sunlight pours in through the windows and shining on my small tatami, I can even see the golden dust dancing merrily in the air. The mildness of sun from the tatami drifts all the way from the glass of windows, through the sheets and then to my warm body. I am engulfed by the fragrant flavor of sun, humming a tune, “I want to take a ray of sunshine and never leave home.” All the fond memories come back to me again like a flood.

My wooden desk is in the left side of the tatami and my white metal bookshelf sits quietly on the opposite corner, witnessing the passage of time through the years. Most of the books on the bookshelf are old ones bought before high school because I rarely purchase books now. I walk in front of my bookshelf and wipe away the 10 meters of thick dust out of those old books. I can still think of the story behind every book when I see the name and cover of it. They are precious memories of my childhood and teenager life. However, I may have different feelings if I reread them at the moment. Time has changed and I have also been changed by time unwittingly. I can see that little imaginative girl, who is satisfied and cheerful in the world of books, read voraciously at the wooden desk in the sun. Yet, I cannot be that girl any longer.

Time always flies away like an arrow. All the things will gradually fade away and slowly disappear some day, without a trace. It is like today, I am away from home and miss my tiny wonderland from a distance. Life passes like a dream. I hope I can collect all the cherished memories in my wonderland and go ahead to live a regretless life.

In-class writing: Writing from the picture

My lucky day

He Haiyun Sea

52639407

You could never image how eager I am to get rid of Katy, who is the most horrible girl in the world. She is heavy but always likes to wear under-size dresses. She thinks she was smart but always makes things a mess. She says she is the most popular girl at school but no one even wants to get closer to her. But somehow such a weird girl started to pursue me several days ago and kept asking me to date her, which almost became my nightmare. Therefore, I decided to meet her and make her hate me as much as possible.

I invited her to go for a drive with me on that day and intentionally drove my broken car. Maybe only god knew that clunker was almost written off. I drove her to a desolate and forsaken place where normal people would never come and said many offensive and impolite words on the road, making her look uncomfortable. After a while, as expected, my car broke down. I pretended to be helpless and just kept swearing all the time, which must be stupid enough to make her hate me. She stood from a distance from me, crossed her arms and finally said: “I don’t want to see you anymore!”

Fortunately, she has not contacted me since last time we met. I am sure that day is absolutely my lucky day. It is so wonderful that I do not need to see her again!

Causal analysis

Procrastination: why don’t we do it now?

He Haiyun Sea
52639407

See I have to write this essay/ that the teacher gave last week/ and it's due tomorrow morning/ twenty pages all in Greek/ Nah but first I check my Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, call my Mom/ Then just one more, one more page/ Oh I waste so much time dot com!

The above text is from an interesting song called Procrastination, which exactly portrays the life of procrastinators. Procrastination means putting off important tasks till another day or replacing high-priority things with ones of lower priority. I do not know since when, procrastination has been everywhere in my life. There is no doubt that procrastination can be disruptive to our life. Yet, when we are surrounded by thousands of choices, why do we always choose to put off important things till tomorrow? For me, causes of this problem may be the lack of self-control, the lack of confidence and perfectionism.

My sanity is fighting with my laziness every day to push myself finish every task in my daily life, such as getting up early. Self-control plays a significant role in my decision making process. So the lack of self-control can lead to my compromise to laziness, happily doing what I want at that moment instead of taking the possible consequence into consideration---What will happen in the future if I don’t do it now? Every time I need to get up early for my class in the morning, probably I would say to myself, “Let me sleep for 5 more minutes…just 5 more minutes…” And after several 5 minutes, the consequence is obvious: I will be late for class! Therefore, the lack of self-control directly causes procrastination.
ides, the lack of confidence may also result in procrastination. Before starting doing a task, I may doubt my related knowledge and ability, being afraid to let others know that I cannot handle this well so that I am in fear of the start. I think I still need more preparation and it is not the right time to do it now. And then the task can be delayed for a really long time and I will never find a proper time to start. Hence, procrastination is often because we are never confident enough to take the first step.

Last but not least, another important reason for procrastination is perfectionism. I want to make everything perfect so that I always have unreasonably high expectation, which is originally a high standard to stimulate me to work hard. However, due to the huge difference between expectation and reality, it may become an impossible goal for me to achieve. For example, if I want to lose weight within two weeks but I seldom exercise, then this goal can only upset but not encourage me. Apart from this, I think there is always a right solution for my problem, and before I find it, I do not want to do anything because it might be wrong. So if exercise cannot make me get a slim figure in a short time, I would rather do nothing and wait for a better way to achieve my goal perfectly. The result is the same—nothing changes.

To conclude, whether it is due to the lack of self-control and confidence or perfectionism, procrastination is because we always hold off our first step to begin. Hence, we should always be sane, think about the possible consequence when we are making decisions, and convince ourselves that it is already a good time to begin now. Any small achievement is worth encouragement because all the people including great writers and artists are doing their masterpieces step by step. Make the first step bravely and say NO to procrastination, your life will become better.